May 19, 2014

A Conclusion

This post is a long time coming.
I'm graduating college.
And it doesn't feel real. After this summer, I will be a post grad. Alumni. A college graduate.
What can I say about it? What do I need to say about it?
I've typed this post 2, 3, 5 times already. For me, an introduction of a paper is easy. A thesis: easy. Body paragraphs, citations, bibliography: easy. The conclusion is the hardest part. I know what I have to say, and I know it has to end. But how do I say it?
College is a finite amount of time. 4 years if you're lucky, 5 if you change your major once or twice.
4 years to live on your own. To buy your own groceries. To worry about money, and rent, and gas.
4 years to make friends and lose friends. To have love and lose that, too.
4 years to soak up knowledge. To listen and take notes to these people that want to teach you.
4 years to make connections to people you would never encounter.
4 years to make mistakes. Big ones.
4 years of hangovers and parties. Of sleeping in and staying up all night.
4 years of not knowing the answer.
And after those 4 years, overnight, you have to know. You have to be an adult. Get a job, find a partner, get married and have kids. Or be an entrepreneur. Or travel the world. You just have to know.
But here I am, and I'm still floating in the womb. My cookin' time isn't done. I'm not ready to be born into the world yet. But the contractions are coming and there is nothing stopping it but time and nature.
So, you open your eyes to the bright world and you cry out, and you decide to live. And you decide that those 4 years are not the best or the worst years, but 4 amazing years of your life. You will remember them always. You will cherish the people you meet. You will grin at the memory of a professor of Shakespeare, or a teacher of rhetoric. (And you'll swear at the bills that come in the mail.)
So yes, this is a conclusion. It's a closing of a book. The story is ending, the climax is done, and the characters need a finale. But don't forget to pick another book up. Maybe this time, it's blank. And you have the power to fill those white pages with whatever you want. Maybe it's not blank. Maybe you "know" how the story will unfold.
All I know is, that this is a conclusion. But it's not the end.

May 1, 2014

Blue Sky

Sometimes life is a really blue sky. This is a picture from a sunroof in a car, zooming down the highway. Blue sky for miles, not a single cloud.
In Minnesota, winters are long. Like, Game of Thrones long.
We forget what sweat trickling down your neck feels like. We forget about shorts and tan skin and sunglasses.
This winter has been really, really long. But it's also been great. I've made new friends and new acquaintances. I've tried new things and gone to new restaurants. I've explored Duluth more, really gotten to know the culture.
I've discovered that quietly, without me realizing it, that I've built a life here. A whole life that I could easily and comfortably slip into.
But you know me.

April 30, 2014

-life is like a greasy piece of pizza-

Nauseating, but oddly satisfying.
{I got a Sam's club membership for free. Guess how many time's I've gone. Guess.}

April 22, 2014



I love when people get really, really, into books. A book series, a favorite classic, I don't care.
Here are things I know books do:

Help your imagination. Books are literally a public little window into the author's brain. You get to interact and experience this whole dimension that exists in the person's brain. Like, holy shit.

Help your vocabulary. I know I wouldn't have the vocabulary I have if I didn't read so much. There are so many words in the English language, and they are all beautiful. (Even moist. I don't get people's repulsion with that word.)

Help you understand the opposite sex. I'm not a dude. I don't get it. I don't own a penis and never will I. So I love reading books in first person present tense with a guy as the main character. I get a cool insight on a (albeit, edited) version of a guy's brain.

Help you be cool. Dudes/chicks dig someone who reads. Forreal. It's rare in this time and age to find someone who actually enjoys reading. One time, I went on a date with a guy and he told me he hated to read. I didn't go on another date with him. Is this snobby and exclusionary? Yes. Is it something I require in a mate? Absolutely. No shame.

Books are seriously the best thing ever. Dialogue! Imagination! Fancy words! Hunky dudes! Badass girls! Wizards and magic and zombies and a thousand things that will never happen in this world. Escape to the land of your choosing, have fun. Reading is a salve to your soul.

ALSO if you want to see some bookshelf "porn" (don't worry, it's safe for work) CLICK HERE.

April 16, 2014

Life Through a Fish Eye

{my papa}
I recently got a holga fisheye film camera. Plastic, made in China, the works. But what's really fun is the lens is detachable, letting me play with it with my iPhone. I want those small magnetic lenses specifically for iPhones , but ain't nobody got money for that.
*cough* My birthday is coming up, though... *cough*

Life here is busy. School projects are all coming together at once (as they usually do). Comm classes are almost always back heavy, so around finals week is when my sanity begins to run out.
I'm going to Bonnaroo again! This time I may share some pictures.... but I always say that, don't I?

March 9, 2014

Brown Eggs are My Inspiration

"Inspiration" is hard work.
It's hard to be inspired when you sit in the small class rooms every week. Where you see the same people, hear the same jokes, sing the same songs, listen to the same radio station.
So, sometimes you have to work on being inspired. Buy brown eggs instead of white. Listen to christian rock, or heavy metal. Read boring Russian books and smutty romance fiction. Walk on the left side of the sidewalk, wear converse in the middle of winter. Watch Frozen again and again. Sing "Let it Go" in your head when you are at work. Make friends with snotty people. Be open and close minded. Budget your money and spend lavishly. Seek inspiration in your life.
Yes, on paper my life is very boring. I wake up, go to work. Take a nap or do homework. Go to school all day. Go to the library and study. Hang out at a friend's house and play guitar/watch movies.
Rinse, wash, repeat.
But you miss all the crumbs in the keyboard, the fingers behind the keystrokes. You miss the brisk morning air as I walk to work, the fresh power sparkling rainbows. You miss the freshly washed jeans, the messy bun. You miss the cute boy in your class, the one that you stare at the back of his head, wishing you would talk to him. You miss the sweat in the hot hallways at my college, the perspiration gathering at my forehead and armpits, the unattractive mess. All of these are normal, they happen to every single one of us. But you have to make those mundane moments count, make them inspiration to living a full life, a happy one.
Let your life be boring and wonderful at the same time. We all can't be rockstars, celebrities with hoards of people telling them they are special. We need to tell ourselves we are special, that we lead special lives. That we mean something to someone in this universe, and if that's only one or two people, that it's okay.
We are special, we can be inspired, we can inspire other people. I promise.

March 2, 2014

It's March Already? & a Photo

{my feet in Budapest}
Three months into 2014, and I've created one post. Just one.
I'm contemplating what to do with this space. It's been amazing. I love writing, and I love that I have stuck with this for four years. Four years. 
It's my longest project yet. But am I willing to keep going? That is the biggest question. I've had less and less inspiration to write here, because sometimes I feel like I have nothing to offer to the "blogging community".
What is really going on in my life? Should I really share it? I have found myself hesitating more and more before posting, something that I promised myself I wouldn't do.
But don't worry, I'm not willing to give up this space still. I want to keep going, keep sharing, keep writing. Because it's fun, and it's a place I know I can really say anything because hey, who really reads this anyway? (Besides you, Hilgy. I know you do.)
I still have yet to share pictures from my traveling adventures- something I was so good about my last two trips.
I promise, promise, promise I'll upload them to Flickr and share them here.
See you soon, I hope.