March 9, 2014

Brown Eggs are My Inspiration

"Inspiration" is hard work.
It's hard to be inspired when you sit in the small class rooms every week. Where you see the same people, hear the same jokes, sing the same songs, listen to the same radio station.
So, sometimes you have to work on being inspired. Buy brown eggs instead of white. Listen to christian rock, or heavy metal. Read boring Russian books and smutty romance fiction. Walk on the left side of the sidewalk, wear converse in the middle of winter. Watch Frozen again and again. Sing "Let it Go" in your head when you are at work. Make friends with snotty people. Be open and close minded. Budget your money and spend lavishly. Seek inspiration in your life.
Yes, on paper my life is very boring. I wake up, go to work. Take a nap or do homework. Go to school all day. Go to the library and study. Hang out at a friend's house and play guitar/watch movies.
Rinse, wash, repeat.
But you miss all the crumbs in the keyboard, the fingers behind the keystrokes. You miss the brisk morning air as I walk to work, the fresh power sparkling rainbows. You miss the freshly washed jeans, the messy bun. You miss the cute boy in your class, the one that you stare at the back of his head, wishing you would talk to him. You miss the sweat in the hot hallways at my college, the perspiration gathering at my forehead and armpits, the unattractive mess. All of these are normal, they happen to every single one of us. But you have to make those mundane moments count, make them inspiration to living a full life, a happy one.
Let your life be boring and wonderful at the same time. We all can't be rockstars, celebrities with hoards of people telling them they are special. We need to tell ourselves we are special, that we lead special lives. That we mean something to someone in this universe, and if that's only one or two people, that it's okay.
We are special, we can be inspired, we can inspire other people. I promise.

March 2, 2014

It's March Already? & a Photo

{my feet in Budapest}
Three months into 2014, and I've created one post. Just one.
I'm contemplating what to do with this space. It's been amazing. I love writing, and I love that I have stuck with this for four years. Four years. 
It's my longest project yet. But am I willing to keep going? That is the biggest question. I've had less and less inspiration to write here, because sometimes I feel like I have nothing to offer to the "blogging community".
What is really going on in my life? Should I really share it? I have found myself hesitating more and more before posting, something that I promised myself I wouldn't do.
But don't worry, I'm not willing to give up this space still. I want to keep going, keep sharing, keep writing. Because it's fun, and it's a place I know I can really say anything because hey, who really reads this anyway? (Besides you, Hilgy. I know you do.)
I still have yet to share pictures from my traveling adventures- something I was so good about my last two trips.
I promise, promise, promise I'll upload them to Flickr and share them here.
See you soon, I hope.

February 7, 2014

Oh, Hey. I Didn't Die.

Right now I'm procrastinating HARD CORE on my Russian homework, so naturally a post is going to come out of it.
I'm back!
This winter break from school I travelled around Eastern Europe, I went to Budapest, Vienna, Prague, Munich, Zurich, Basel and Amsterdam.
I have lots of pictures that I have to organize and I'll make a post for each city. Because I'm THAT kind of blogger.
I've been slowly but surely working on my writing- right now I'm in a video game entertainment class so I've even written a couple outlines for video game plot-lines. Because who wants to pay attention in class? I'd rather write!
My teacher in that class gave us a "free writing/tell me about yourself" assignment, and I turned in a lengthy three page whomper. I'm an over-sharer on paper, and I love free writing assignments. Sorry, Professor.
So far- this semester is much better than last. 1 less credit and 1 less work shift a week makes a HUGE difference. Not on my bank account though.
Speaking of, I've been hunting down an inexpensive yet wonderful eyeliner (these are the things I do on my free time. Yup.) and I found one! But it's from China! And it won't be here until March 8 - March 26. Yes, a whole month to two month process. This eyeliner better be the best ever. Knowing me, I'll forget I ordered it, it'll come in the mail, and it'll be like Christmas came early.
Enough typing!
I'll post about my trip soon.

December 30, 2013

2013 in Review

If you don't want to read an ungodly long post, click away. Here is 2013 in review (iPhone pictures, some from instagram and some from personal files!)
 I finally got glasses that I have been needing for a while. I put them on and said, "Wow! I can read people's license plates now!"
 I got a job as a playground monitor.
 Moved into my first (and not last) apartment.
 Giant snow storm at the beginning of the year, pretty usual. My roommate and I walking to the grocery store to get ice cream... typical.
 Got a job as a phlebotomist at St. Luke's hospital in Duluth. (Still in this job!)
 Me on my last day of junior year!
 Endless barbecues during the summer.
 Celebrating my 21st birthday with roommates and friends!
 Driving down to Tennessee for Bonnaroo!
 My 'roo crew.
 Beach bum... which led to...
 Me being really, really tan. Holy cow.
 My grandpa passed away. He had been sick for a long, long time.
 Went to a friend-of-a-friend's wedding and had a blast. Everyone there was in the England trip the year before mine, so we all had living in England in common!
 Went to my cousin Mary's wedding. Welcome to our enormous family (41 cousins, phew) Adam!
 Visited an alpaca farm with my co-workers!
 My high school friends Dany and Kelsey finally (really, finally, it's my senior year!) visited me in Duluth!
 Decorating for Christmas this year.
Yeah.
Happy New Year! Next time I talk to you guys, I will be across the globe.
Starting 2014 off with a bang.

December 9, 2013

Guilt

"My youthful dreams of the future were born from the gentle sadness of those evenings, far removed from the rest of life, when you lie in the grass beside the remains of someone else's campfire, with your bicycle beside you, watching the purple stripes left in the western sky by the sun that has just set, and you can see the first stars in the east." -Omon Ra (page 122)

There are many things I feel guilty of, in my lifetime.
They'll come to me like little thistles in the wood. I won't notice them all the time, but man, sometimes I'll sit down and realize they are stuck to my ass.
I feel guilty I come from a well off family.
I feel guilty, all the time, that I am white.
I feel guilty about my privilege, about my job, about my warm bed at night.
I feel guilty about my college education, my fancy electronics.

But most of all, lately, I feel guilty that I can travel. You see, I just booked a flight to Budapest. It was as easy as a click of a button. Then I bought a plane ticket home, click. I booked my hostel reservations, click. I bought my train tickets, click.

And then the guilt came. Why do I deserve this trip? Why do I get to go travel around for a little bit? And why am I now, as I type this, guilty about my guilt?

I'm so sorry that some people don't get to experience the world. It saddens me. Because you don't realize how tiny, how small, how unimportant you are until you've seen places that you aren't from. And that's a good thing. It humbles you. It makes you grow up. I wish I could take all the people in my life that want to travel and stuff them in my suitcase. Bring them along. Swing my arm around their shoulder and explore the world.

So.
I'm going on a trip, guys.
Budapest > Prague > Vienna > Munich > Zurich > Basel > Amsterdam.
Phew.
Oh, and solo too.

December 7, 2013

Rat Race

Inhale.
I feel like I can't catch my breath.
New clothes, new coats, it's a sale! Black friday, bright lights, new Starbucks flavor, buy new! Buy used! Buy now! Retweet, social media, push, push, push, post again, repost. Reblog, signal boost, go viral, be a pop star. Skinny bones, skinny faces, skinny limbs and muscle! But too much muscle is gross! Straighten your hair! Get rid of hair, wax, brush, shave, wax again.
And I'm caught again, gaining advice by the second, sucking in media, I need the new iPod, the new iPad, the new iCrap and iBuy and iWant New.
The "I don't want to work" but I deserve new, good stuff. I deserve stuff. Why do I have to work for my stuff? Fill the house, buy the furniture, buy the new sheets and the new quilt and oh my god, chevron is in and now it's so outdated. And oh, my house is so messy, please excuse it.
And paleo, vegan, vegetarian, label the food, label the water, the soy sauce packets, the sodium intake, the food you cut up and put it in your mouth, we have to have a label for it!
Shiny shoes and shiny cars and Chanel and Dior and I want what famous people want, and I want to be famous and go viral and Vine, why won't anyone watch my videos? Maybe I'm too fat? I have an okay voice, maybe I should go into podcasts? Nah, no one gets famous from podcasts. Cancer patients always visit celebrities, I want cancer, pray for you, pray for me, pray for your fallen comrades, I'll pray for your family, I send love and hearts, I send good vibes, but really I just type on the keyboard and forget about your problems.
I know I can't catch my breath.
Exhale.

November 21, 2013

Final Semester aka I Want to Throw Up

{from the government shutdown. STILL makes me laugh every time. God bless the Queen.}

So I just registered for my last "full" semester. I'll have to take a May term and a Summer term, but OTHER THAN THAT.
Twas my last full.
My last winter in Duluth. My last Thanksgiving, my last Christmas. My last fall, my last snow flurries.
That is, if I don't fail any of my classes this semester and get into an online course that I'm waitlisted on.
How did it come so fast? I have been moaning and griping at you people for four years to get outta here. You've got to be sick of it already.
Thanks for stickin' around. I appreciate it.
I would like to know- if you aren't my mom (hi mom!) or Kelsey (hi Kelsey!), why do you follow me? Why do you take time out of your day to read these electronic words on your screen?
About two hours ago, my faculty advisor pulled me aside and asked if I would be a student ambassador for the 2013 Russian olympic hockey team on Saturday.
Sat. Ur. Day.
I'm going to throw up. I have to speak Russian to these people. People I don't know (which makes me already nervous) in which I must speak a language I am not confident it. I am not confident in my Russian speaking abilities. I'm terrified I'll say something wrong. I mis-pronounce a lot of people. Imagine public speaking. Add a difficult language. Stir in famous people. Sprinkle in a sport I know nothing about. Bake at 350 and kill me NOW.
I'm sorry. I really am excited, I mean, I'll get to meet the Olympic team! Wow! But seriously. Why can't they know English.
And get this? My faculty advisor told him he is going to send "their best student". I laughed really hard at this. I'm getting a solid D, maybe C in Russian right now. I am by far their least strong student.
But whatcha gonna do, huh?
I'll inform you of my public humiliation later.
Oh, and here's a flickr that inspired me today.